all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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