I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
