She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
