She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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