dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
