There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
