You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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