I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
