From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
