I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
