apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize