the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
