he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize