Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
