Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
