i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
