That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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