do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
