Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
