There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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