was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
