the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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