I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
