i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize