I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
