Barsexuality is the new black.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
