I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
