fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize