I want to walk on stilts...naked
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
