I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
