yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
