honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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