That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
