life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
