I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
