I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
