i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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