Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Randomize
