Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
