i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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