I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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