what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
