shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
