I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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