How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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