you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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