You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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