it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
