last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize