so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
