So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
