this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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