Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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