So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I can text with my tongue
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
