he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
