her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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