He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
