you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would fuck him just for his dog
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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