Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
