is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
