U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
