Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
