you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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