dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
