I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
