just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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