Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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