somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I look better un-naked...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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