Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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