i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
