I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
