my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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