Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
