Barsexuality is the new black.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize